Winners are held in high regard and loses, well…

It seems obvious – We compete to win – when you win, you get the prize. But sometimes you can win bigger by losing.

What?!

There are times to be competitive. Come on, we’ve all those moments when all we want to do is humiliate our opponent by winning (or by crushing them). It’s the nature of sports, and what our internal competition thermostats set to to do.

That is how athletes feel most of the time. But, sometimes, and these are few and far between, we see acts that defy wins and losses. When a high school basketball player intentionally misses 2 technical free throws or Western Oregon senior Sara Tucholsky being carried around the bases after she injures her knee. Opponents coming together to transcend the game.

Here’s what happened between two college golfers, fighting for a spot in the NAIA National Championship.

Grant Whybark, a sophomore at the University of St. Francis, had already earned a spot in nationals with his team, which won the Chicagoland Collegiate Athletic Conference Championship. Now her he was in a playoff against Olivet Nazarene’s Seth Doran for the individual title.

Since, both the winning team and winning individual are asked to move on to nationals, if Whybark won the playoff against Doran, he’d be taking both spots and Doran wouldn’t be be going. Oh well, right? That’s sports and competition – the winner moves on, the loser goes home…

On the first playoff hole, Whybark was informed the winner would garner the conference’s individual spot for nationals. He already was going.

What happened next is the type of stuff which movies are made (remember “Rudy“?). Whybark stood on the tee on the first playoff hole, aimed right, and proceeded to hit his tee shot 40 yards off of the fairway onto the practice range, which was out of bounds. He ended up with a double bogey (2 over par for you non-golfers), Doran made par, and he is now headed the nationals.

What did Whybark do? He addressed his ball, aimed right, and proceeded to hit his tee shot 40 yards askew of the fairway onto the practice range, which was out of bounds. He would make double bogey; Doran made par and is headed to nationals.

What makes it so cool? Whybar did it on purpose, because he felt Doran had earned a spot in the next round.

“We all know Seth very well,” Whybark explains, “and he not only is a very good player, but a great person as well. He’s a senior and had never been to nationals. Somehow, it just wasn’t in my heart to try to knock him out.

“I think some people were surprised, but my team knew what I was doing and were supportive of me. I felt Seth deserved to go (to nationals) just as much as I did.

“It was one of those things where I couldn’t feel good taking something from him like this. My goal from the start was to get (to nationals) with my team. I had already done that.”

There are time when choosing the higher road, the one that will, in the bigger picture, make a bigger difference, isn’t  so easy. It’s hard – We all want to be right and we all want to win, but sometimes not winning can be the bigger win…

Putting differences aside can make a HUGE difference.

Do you agree?

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. ~ Albert Camus

As much as I love the Southern California Summers, Autumn always stirs a little something in my soul. It gets me thinking about chilly nights, harvests, fires in my wood stoves… What about the beach, shorts and sun.

Seems like summer just began when suddenly the season changes yet again as the equinox is upon us.

The fall is officially launched with the setting in of the autumnal equinox. This specific day marks end of summer and welcomes in the warm beauty of autumn. The day is also of importance as it is the date on which the hours of daylight are almost exactly equal to the that of night. This year, that day is on September 22, the day when summer officially sets off and the phase is set on for winter to follow in eventually.

We don’t get many signs of the fall here in SoCal. A few streets here and there with some trees changing colors, shorter days chillier nights.

For a chance to see a little fall color, I love to explore the Sierra Nevadas and the foothills this time of year – there we get the colors and enjoy some great food and wine – can you say harvest festival?. In the meantime, today I will be enjoying the last day of Summer – hope you do the same!

Mayan legend says that the Hummingbird is actually the sun in disguise who is trying to win the love of a beautiful woman – the moon.

Another Mayan legend says the first two hummingbirds were created from the left-over feather scraps from the making of other birds. The god who made the hummers was so pleased he had an elaborate wedding ceremony for them. First butterflies marked out a room, then flower petals fell on the ground to make a carpet; spiders spun webs to make a bridal pathway, then the sun sent down rays which caused the tiny groom to glow with dazzling reds and greens. The wedding guests noticed that whenever he turned away from the sun, he became drab again like the original gray feathers from which he was made.

An Apache legend tells of Wind Dancer, a young warrior, who was born deaf, but could sing magical, wordless songs that brought healing and good weather. He married Bright Rain, a beautiful, young woman whom he rescued when she was being attacked by a wolf.

Wind Dancer was killed during another errand of mercy. A bitter winter ensued, but it suddenly and mysteriously ended after Bright Rain started taking solitary walks.

Hopi Hummingbird Kachina Tribal elders learned Wind Dancer had come back to Bright Rain in the form of a hummingbird. He wore the same ceremonial costume and war paint he had worn as a man. In fields of spring flowers he would approach her and whisper his magical secrets in her ear. This brought her peace and joy.

So what does this have to do with my morning? Well, this morning my dog Monty (who loves to chase things…) discovered what I thought, at first was a dead baby bird. Upon further review – I discovered that it was a living baby hummingbird. Cool, except last summer, I also found another baby hummer – I did everything I could do to rescue it. The internet doesn’t have much info on rescuing a baby hummingbird except put it in an open container near where you found it and maybe the mother will come and feed.

Lo and behold, this is what happened – the mother came around and fed the baby… for the first day. On day 2, mom came around, sat nearby but never fed the baby. I am sure you can surmise the end of the story…

This was my first thought when I found the baby this morning.

I ran in the house and grabbed a little container to put the baby in (I was certainly hoping for a different result). I carefully picked up the baby and was just putting the baby into the little tupperware bowl, when it furiously flapped it’s little wings and flew away. WOW…

It appears that my little Wind Dancer was old enough to fly but maybe he just needed to whisper a few little magical secrets to me first… What a beautiful day!

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present!”

If we truly  consider today as a gift, how will we live it? Who will we touch? What will be our legacy?

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down,
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

~ Mary Oliver ~

(New and Selected Poems, Volume I)

The choice is yours – What will you do with your precious  life?

Mary Oliver (born September 10, 1935) is an American poet. Read more about Mary Oliver here.

Well, now he’s back, hiding behind the veil of morality to do everything he can to nullify more than 18 thousand marriages between gay and lesbian couples in California… How about we just rule that all Protestant marriages are illegal? Or maybe we could go back and rule that all mixed race couples are in illegal marriages? After all, those marriages were illegal in the not to distant past.

Why are we so hung up on Gay Marriage? Is it the sex part? Well, don’t think about it… There are a lot of activities that occur in the bedroom of “traditional” couples that these same folks (the Ken Starr’s of the world) might find shocking… WHATEVER! Get over it!

Over half the traditional marriages end in divorce. It is time that we stop discriminating – Have we learned nothing?

We learned to take better care of our troops when they return home from combat… Oh wait, we haven’t learned that one either…

How about we stop legislating the bedroom and start dealing with what really matters: like education, healthcare, elder care, jobs, training, the economy…

What do ya think?

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… To learn more about what’s being done to stop Ken Starr’s hateful discriminatory campaign to outlaw these marriages visit the Courage Campaign.

The tone here is a little different today – because I am angry…

Driving home yesterday, I heard, not one, but two stories about Catholic Priests found guilty of sexual molestation and abuse. The 1st involved a priest found guilty of sexual misconduct involving a 16 year old girl who TRUSTED him and his position of power. The sexual coercion and abuse started when the girl was just 14 years old. The 2nd was about a priest found guilty of sexually abusing a boy (ironically in the choir). Several other charges were dropped because of the statute of limitations.

There are so many wonderful and giving priests, who dedicate their lives to service, who are giving, loving and caring. There are so many wonderful Catholics who are moral, good people. So here here is my question:

WHY THE HELL DON’T THEY OUT THE BASTARDS WHO PREY ON INNOCENTS? WHY DO THEY PROTECT THEM?

I think I have an answer…

They are embarrassed…

You see, we are shamed when we find our trust unworthy. We blame ourselves… We fall into a state of denial that this trusted one could do something so despicable. But in doing so we turn our backs on the victims.

This from a Los Angeles Times Article:

Federal authorities are investigating the Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles to see whether top church officials tried to cover up the sexual abuse of minors by priests, said a person familiar with the matter.

Cardinal Roger Mahony, who heads the archdiocese, the largest in the U.S., has been criticized by victims’ groups for his past handling of sexual-abuse allegations against priests. The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office has been investigating allegations of such abuses for several years.

District Attorney Steve Cooley criticized the archdiocese in 2007 for its “institutional moral failure” to “supervise predatory priests.” A spokeswoman for the district attorney’s office said their investigation is still open.

We need to call these abusers out. How are we to be the moral flagship of a changing world when we can’t even protect our own.

Whether it’s the father who rapes his daughter, the boss who uses his position to sexually intimidate and abuse an underling, or a trusted member of a church – they need to be outed! They need to be paraded through the town square…

We as spiritually conscious beings can no longer tolerate sexual abuse that usually targets the young and the weak.

We need to provide the an environment for the victims that is essentially a safe haven. They need to feel safe and free from the guilt that comes with being abused. The victims are NOT guilty – they did not bring this upon themselves. Abusers are evil and should be treated as such. They may be sick – but that is no excuse to abuse.

As a man, I am embarrassed. Men (not always, but mostly) are the abusers. We as men need to take a stand. As a society we can no longer keep this as our dirty little secret. We need to, once and for all, call a spade a spade and stop the abuse by calling out and punishing the abusers!

And no, I am not a victim of abuse – but you don’t need to be a victim to speak out!

The message that we need to send loud and clear is that we will no longer tolerate abuse of any kind. And realistically, we can’t point to abuse in other parts of the world until we clean up our own mess. And clean it up we must.

Read more from Mothers Against Sexual Abuse
Women’s Institute for Incorporation Therapy

This makes sense, of course, it helps us organize and categorize people we know. George Hamilton is “Tan”, Farrah has the hair, Dean Martin had his martini and Pam Anderson has big… well you get the picture.

For many years, I had long blond (mostly natural) hair… So I was the guy with Long Blond (some say Miss Clairol) hair. Then I cut it off and usually wore it slicked back a bit. This brings me to my latest hair adventure.

I was working an event called “Life Directions” for Peak Potentials Training. The training was in Pasadena (about an hour drive from my home in Topanga CA). I packed my bag, so I wouldn’t  have to drive back and forth. Wednesday was our set up where I learned my position for the event would be as the Trainer’s assistant. Easy job for me. After nearly 20 years as an Assistant Director, taking care of the “talent” is second nature for me… but I digress.

One of  the demonstrations from stage called for a jar full of big rocks. We couldn’t find the rocks so I volunteered to go home and collect some rocks and drive back early Thursday. When I got back to the event and eventually checked into my room, I realized that I had taken my toiletry bag into the house but not back with me to Pasadena.

So on Saturday with no “hair product” I showed up for work… Remember my identity at work is slicked back hair… Kieron Sweeney our trainer for the event was very surprised by my non-slicked back hair and talked about it for several minutes, finally saying, “it’s just so fluffy…”. For him it was just as though George showed up pale or Pam flat chested…

Jump ahead a few hours. There I am assisting with this jar of rocks demo. When Kieron introduces me to the crowd of 700, he doesn’t just introduce me, he goes on to gush about my “fluffy” hair, to which of course, I get get a standing ovation from 700 of my closest friends and dozens of compliments throughout the rest of the day.

So what does this all mean?

We are in the world to others how we present ourselves. So it makes sense then, to be who you really love to be. Be authentic. Be radiant.

Do it for yourself and do it to be put in the best category you can be…

I have a dream that right now we will be judged by the character of our souls. I dream that today we actually step up and step into the TRUTH of who we are.

I have a dream that we give unconditionally. That we love without limit. That we celebrate all that we are.

We are standing on the dawn of a new day. A day when we have a choice. We can choose to be who we have always been or we can choose to be more, live more, love more.

Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King’s message was on the surface about civil rights, sure. But it was a call to action… not just for the “black folk”… A call to everyone to look into themselves. To celebrate our differences, our diversity, but also to honor and cherish what we share.

Tomorrow, ironically the day after Martin Luther King Day, we as One Nation Under GOD, will inaugurate our first non-white President. One who dares to “have a dream” and one who gives hope to Americans and all citizens of the world.

In a New York Times and CBS poll 79% of Americans feel optimistic about the next four years under Obama, the highest level of goodwill attained by any of the past five incoming presidents… They have hope.

Martin Luther King had hope and “a dream”, he was just dreaming in a time when most others were unable to believe and share this dream.

I have a Dream that the time is here when it is OK to dream big dreams and not be labled a “dreamer”. When a critical mass share a dream, a wonderful dream. To paraphrase Dorothy Gale… to live in a world where “dreams really do come true”.

Today we can take a moment and honor all who have moved beyond what’s comfortable, those who dared to dream before us, those visionaries who saw what their peers couldn’t see, who believed what no one else did and who today give us hope that finally we will see the essence of these dreams come to pass.

I have included Martin Luther King’s “I have a Dream” speech below. If you have seen it, watch it again. If you haven’t please take the time really listen to the “dream”.

Here is the transcript of most of the speech.

“…So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow. I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up… live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will they be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right down in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plains and the crooked places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.

With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God’s children be able to sing with new meaning “My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!”

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that, let freedom, ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi, from every mountainside.

Let freedom ring,

And when this happens,and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old negro spiritual, “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”

Do you experience true and utter JOY?

What if…

We all took some time out and lived our true joy, true happiness? Would our friends think we were acting stupid? My thought… Not if they are truly friends. Why is it that we a embarrassed to be happy? We shouldn’t be.

Take a minute a check out Baily the crazy-happy snow loving dog and see if you can experience this kind of pure joy in your life. Yes, it’s a challenge.