Winners are held in high regard and loses, well…

It seems obvious – We compete to win – when you win, you get the prize. But sometimes you can win bigger by losing.

What?!

There are times to be competitive. Come on, we’ve all those moments when all we want to do is humiliate our opponent by winning (or by crushing them). It’s the nature of sports, and what our internal competition thermostats set to to do.

That is how athletes feel most of the time. But, sometimes, and these are few and far between, we see acts that defy wins and losses. When a high school basketball player intentionally misses 2 technical free throws or Western Oregon senior Sara Tucholsky being carried around the bases after she injures her knee. Opponents coming together to transcend the game.

Here’s what happened between two college golfers, fighting for a spot in the NAIA National Championship.

Grant Whybark, a sophomore at the University of St. Francis, had already earned a spot in nationals with his team, which won the Chicagoland Collegiate Athletic Conference Championship. Now her he was in a playoff against Olivet Nazarene’s Seth Doran for the individual title.

Since, both the winning team and winning individual are asked to move on to nationals, if Whybark won the playoff against Doran, he’d be taking both spots and Doran wouldn’t be be going. Oh well, right? That’s sports and competition – the winner moves on, the loser goes home…

On the first playoff hole, Whybark was informed the winner would garner the conference’s individual spot for nationals. He already was going.

What happened next is the type of stuff which movies are made (remember “Rudy“?). Whybark stood on the tee on the first playoff hole, aimed right, and proceeded to hit his tee shot 40 yards off of the fairway onto the practice range, which was out of bounds. He ended up with a double bogey (2 over par for you non-golfers), Doran made par, and he is now headed the nationals.

What did Whybark do? He addressed his ball, aimed right, and proceeded to hit his tee shot 40 yards askew of the fairway onto the practice range, which was out of bounds. He would make double bogey; Doran made par and is headed to nationals.

What makes it so cool? Whybar did it on purpose, because he felt Doran had earned a spot in the next round.

“We all know Seth very well,” Whybark explains, “and he not only is a very good player, but a great person as well. He’s a senior and had never been to nationals. Somehow, it just wasn’t in my heart to try to knock him out.

“I think some people were surprised, but my team knew what I was doing and were supportive of me. I felt Seth deserved to go (to nationals) just as much as I did.

“It was one of those things where I couldn’t feel good taking something from him like this. My goal from the start was to get (to nationals) with my team. I had already done that.”

There are time when choosing the higher road, the one that will, in the bigger picture, make a bigger difference, isn’t  so easy. It’s hard – We all want to be right and we all want to win, but sometimes not winning can be the bigger win…

Putting differences aside can make a HUGE difference.

Do you agree?

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. ~ Albert Camus

As much as I love the Southern California Summers, Autumn always stirs a little something in my soul. It gets me thinking about chilly nights, harvests, fires in my wood stoves… What about the beach, shorts and sun.

Seems like summer just began when suddenly the season changes yet again as the equinox is upon us.

The fall is officially launched with the setting in of the autumnal equinox. This specific day marks end of summer and welcomes in the warm beauty of autumn. The day is also of importance as it is the date on which the hours of daylight are almost exactly equal to the that of night. This year, that day is on September 22, the day when summer officially sets off and the phase is set on for winter to follow in eventually.

We don’t get many signs of the fall here in SoCal. A few streets here and there with some trees changing colors, shorter days chillier nights.

For a chance to see a little fall color, I love to explore the Sierra Nevadas and the foothills this time of year – there we get the colors and enjoy some great food and wine – can you say harvest festival?. In the meantime, today I will be enjoying the last day of Summer – hope you do the same!

Mayan legend says that the Hummingbird is actually the sun in disguise who is trying to win the love of a beautiful woman – the moon.

Another Mayan legend says the first two hummingbirds were created from the left-over feather scraps from the making of other birds. The god who made the hummers was so pleased he had an elaborate wedding ceremony for them. First butterflies marked out a room, then flower petals fell on the ground to make a carpet; spiders spun webs to make a bridal pathway, then the sun sent down rays which caused the tiny groom to glow with dazzling reds and greens. The wedding guests noticed that whenever he turned away from the sun, he became drab again like the original gray feathers from which he was made.

An Apache legend tells of Wind Dancer, a young warrior, who was born deaf, but could sing magical, wordless songs that brought healing and good weather. He married Bright Rain, a beautiful, young woman whom he rescued when she was being attacked by a wolf.

Wind Dancer was killed during another errand of mercy. A bitter winter ensued, but it suddenly and mysteriously ended after Bright Rain started taking solitary walks.

Hopi Hummingbird Kachina Tribal elders learned Wind Dancer had come back to Bright Rain in the form of a hummingbird. He wore the same ceremonial costume and war paint he had worn as a man. In fields of spring flowers he would approach her and whisper his magical secrets in her ear. This brought her peace and joy.

So what does this have to do with my morning? Well, this morning my dog Monty (who loves to chase things…) discovered what I thought, at first was a dead baby bird. Upon further review – I discovered that it was a living baby hummingbird. Cool, except last summer, I also found another baby hummer – I did everything I could do to rescue it. The internet doesn’t have much info on rescuing a baby hummingbird except put it in an open container near where you found it and maybe the mother will come and feed.

Lo and behold, this is what happened – the mother came around and fed the baby… for the first day. On day 2, mom came around, sat nearby but never fed the baby. I am sure you can surmise the end of the story…

This was my first thought when I found the baby this morning.

I ran in the house and grabbed a little container to put the baby in (I was certainly hoping for a different result). I carefully picked up the baby and was just putting the baby into the little tupperware bowl, when it furiously flapped it’s little wings and flew away. WOW…

It appears that my little Wind Dancer was old enough to fly but maybe he just needed to whisper a few little magical secrets to me first… What a beautiful day!

When you do it as a “grown Up”, it’s still cool, isn’t it?

Yep, sure is…

What if someone figured out a way to make colored bubbles? Not each bubble reflecting the colors of the rainbow – but actual colored bubbles?

Shimmering with all the colors of the rainbow, bubbles are a joy to children young and old. For inventor Tim Kehoe, however, creating a bubble with a single color that won’t stain when it pops has been a 15-year, $3-million obsession. Two weeks ago, the world’s first colored, non-staining bubbles, Zubbles, went on sale.

The simple chemistry of bubbles — two layers of soap sandwiching a layer of water about a millionth of an inch thick — has foiled virtually every attempt to modify them. Bubbles that last a little longer or can be blown a little bigger have since been created, but adding color, what some toy manufactures have called the “holy grail” of toys, has remained frustratingly elusive.

Standard food coloring or dyes have no effect; they simply run down the sides of the bubble, creating a drop of color on the bottom. Other dyes can stain bubbles, but when they pop they also stain clothes, dogs and eyes, as Kehoe discovered during one accident. Other tests, including one for a bubble dye that washed out, didn’t fare much better.

“I thought a washable bubble was a great idea,” said Kehoe. “But the kids (of a large focus group) were covered head to toe in red dye. It looked like a scene from Braveheart.”

Red Bubbles

Eventually Kehoe and his colleagues found the three different classes of dyes that produce intense, vibrant and uniform colors. Originally, it took three days to produce what would eventually become Zubbles, but now it takes about 30 minutes.

Once a bubble pops, the dye fades in 15 minutes on virtually every material imaginable: concrete, leather, nylon, cotton and paint. Even easily stained material like silk remain unstained 15 minutes after a Zubble touches them.

Right now, consumers can only buy blue and pink bubbles, although Kehoe says that he can create bubbles of any color.

Blue Bubbles

Green Bubbles

I just think that they are so cool – Why not just do something a little fun and crazy – go blow some bubbles. Better yet – why not be the first on your block to blow some colored bubbles!

You can buy his colored bubbles, called Zubbles, at zubbles.com and through Tim Kehoe’s iPhone app.

And even if you’re not a bubble man, these things will blow your mind. Thanks to some seriously novel chemistry, the stain they appear to leave when they break vanishes in seconds. If only he could make pizza sauce do the same thing.

You can read more at the cool blog at Popular Science.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present!”

If we truly  consider today as a gift, how will we live it? Who will we touch? What will be our legacy?

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down,
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

~ Mary Oliver ~

(New and Selected Poems, Volume I)

The choice is yours – What will you do with your precious  life?

Mary Oliver (born September 10, 1935) is an American poet. Read more about Mary Oliver here.

Life is tricky. It requires negotiation and fearless navigation. The bills are due, the house needs work, and the kids need your attention. We seem to do all this at the expense of our dreams. I believe the SECRET is BALANCE.

Stephen Covey talks about this in his great book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. How Dr. Covey sums this up is by breaking our life down into 4 quadrants:

1. Urgent & Important
2. Not Urgent & Important
3. Urgent & Not Important
4. Not Urgent & Not Important

Quadrant 1 is basically about putting out fires… this causes stress, burnout and did I mention stress?

Quadrant 2 – We’ll come back to that…

Quadrant 3 – The urgent and unimportant is all about interruptions like phone calls and email. We get stuck here and it makes Q1′s stuff more urgent and more stressful…

Quadrant 4 – is where we go  hide when we are feeling overwhelmed… Ultimately causing more stress (from Q1) and setting us up for failure.

Back to Q2

Quadrant 2 is where we want to spend the majority of time. This is where balance happens. We get our work done, make great connections and relationships and do the things that nurture us (and our soul).

Quadrant 1 is the killer. When we spend all of our time fighting fires… we have no time for much else. Then we burnout – go hide in Q4. This results in more fires to put out – leading to more stress… the cycle begins again.

There will always be Q1 things that come up but if we spend the time focusing on the long term and balancing our life – making sure to include time for the good things our quality of life skyrockets!

This is where dreams come true… By removing ourselves from the stranglehold of the urgent and important – fireproofing instead of fighting fires… we suddenly gain time and perspective.

When we slow down – moving away from the urgent we have time to go out for a hike, take singing or piano lessons, travel, be truly in love…

Sounds like a good idea for me.

Slow down and breathe…

That’s really what it is isn’t it? A matter of choice?

That leads me to a story I read bout 2 high school rival basketball teams. You see, on a Saturday night (this month) the DeKalb, Illinois High School basketball team had ridden a bus two and a half hours to get to Milwaukee to play a non-conference game on the road against Milwaukee Madison. It was the third meeting between the two schools, who were developing a friendly rivalry that spanned two states.

Earlier that day, the mother of Milwaukee Madison’s team captain died from complications of cervical cancer. The coach wanted to cancel the game but Johntel Franklin, who had just lost his mother, wanted his team to play.

The game started an hour late and during the 2nd quarter Johntel Franklin showed up at the game to hugs and sympathy from his teammates and fans. Now even though he was late and broken-hearted, Johntel didn’t want to just watch the game, he wanted to play. But here’s the problem: since he was not on the pregame roster, DeKalb High was awarded 2 free throws on a technical foul. Their coach didn’t want the free throws but after a heated 7 minute conversation, the ref’s ruled that they needed to take the free throws.

So the coach asked for a volunteer to shoot the 2 technical free throws. DeKalb High senior and team captain, Darius McNeal, was the first to raise his hand. He went to the line, eyed the rim, and shot the ball. It went about 2 feet and bounced its way under the basket. It took a second, but soon the Milwaukee Madison squad realized what was happening… They stood and applauded their rivals. Soon the whole arena stood and applauded the out-of -town rivals. The second shot barely left Darius’ hand.

DeKalb went on to lose the game but it seems to me that they won something far bigger. A glimpse at what it’s like to do something for a greater good. To do something so unselfish, so graceful, so classy. None of the players’ lives will ever be the same.

And since we’re talking about inspiring stories taking place on the court, how about this:

Well, now he’s back, hiding behind the veil of morality to do everything he can to nullify more than 18 thousand marriages between gay and lesbian couples in California… How about we just rule that all Protestant marriages are illegal? Or maybe we could go back and rule that all mixed race couples are in illegal marriages? After all, those marriages were illegal in the not to distant past.

Why are we so hung up on Gay Marriage? Is it the sex part? Well, don’t think about it… There are a lot of activities that occur in the bedroom of “traditional” couples that these same folks (the Ken Starr’s of the world) might find shocking… WHATEVER! Get over it!

Over half the traditional marriages end in divorce. It is time that we stop discriminating – Have we learned nothing?

We learned to take better care of our troops when they return home from combat… Oh wait, we haven’t learned that one either…

How about we stop legislating the bedroom and start dealing with what really matters: like education, healthcare, elder care, jobs, training, the economy…

What do ya think?

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… To learn more about what’s being done to stop Ken Starr’s hateful discriminatory campaign to outlaw these marriages visit the Courage Campaign.

The tone here is a little different today – because I am angry…

Driving home yesterday, I heard, not one, but two stories about Catholic Priests found guilty of sexual molestation and abuse. The 1st involved a priest found guilty of sexual misconduct involving a 16 year old girl who TRUSTED him and his position of power. The sexual coercion and abuse started when the girl was just 14 years old. The 2nd was about a priest found guilty of sexually abusing a boy (ironically in the choir). Several other charges were dropped because of the statute of limitations.

There are so many wonderful and giving priests, who dedicate their lives to service, who are giving, loving and caring. There are so many wonderful Catholics who are moral, good people. So here here is my question:

WHY THE HELL DON’T THEY OUT THE BASTARDS WHO PREY ON INNOCENTS? WHY DO THEY PROTECT THEM?

I think I have an answer…

They are embarrassed…

You see, we are shamed when we find our trust unworthy. We blame ourselves… We fall into a state of denial that this trusted one could do something so despicable. But in doing so we turn our backs on the victims.

This from a Los Angeles Times Article:

Federal authorities are investigating the Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles to see whether top church officials tried to cover up the sexual abuse of minors by priests, said a person familiar with the matter.

Cardinal Roger Mahony, who heads the archdiocese, the largest in the U.S., has been criticized by victims’ groups for his past handling of sexual-abuse allegations against priests. The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office has been investigating allegations of such abuses for several years.

District Attorney Steve Cooley criticized the archdiocese in 2007 for its “institutional moral failure” to “supervise predatory priests.” A spokeswoman for the district attorney’s office said their investigation is still open.

We need to call these abusers out. How are we to be the moral flagship of a changing world when we can’t even protect our own.

Whether it’s the father who rapes his daughter, the boss who uses his position to sexually intimidate and abuse an underling, or a trusted member of a church – they need to be outed! They need to be paraded through the town square…

We as spiritually conscious beings can no longer tolerate sexual abuse that usually targets the young and the weak.

We need to provide the an environment for the victims that is essentially a safe haven. They need to feel safe and free from the guilt that comes with being abused. The victims are NOT guilty – they did not bring this upon themselves. Abusers are evil and should be treated as such. They may be sick – but that is no excuse to abuse.

As a man, I am embarrassed. Men (not always, but mostly) are the abusers. We as men need to take a stand. As a society we can no longer keep this as our dirty little secret. We need to, once and for all, call a spade a spade and stop the abuse by calling out and punishing the abusers!

And no, I am not a victim of abuse – but you don’t need to be a victim to speak out!

The message that we need to send loud and clear is that we will no longer tolerate abuse of any kind. And realistically, we can’t point to abuse in other parts of the world until we clean up our own mess. And clean it up we must.

Read more from Mothers Against Sexual Abuse
Women’s Institute for Incorporation Therapy